


The Lost Soldier

by Ariah_Rogers



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Angst, M/M, Starbucks, Stucky - Freeform, winterwidow - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-20 23:38:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3669411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ariah_Rogers/pseuds/Ariah_Rogers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. Bucky searches for redemption and his memories. Steve searches for Bucky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. After the Fall

The Winter Soldier scrambled back up and grabbed one of his guns, aiming up at Captain America before taking the shot.

_I missed the kill shot. I don’t miss. I need to complete my mission. I have to._

He aimed again. Another miss on the kill shot. The captain is almost there. If the captain succeeds in his plan, then HYDRA’s plan fails and his mission is failed…. He took another shot and the captain fell.

He watched the captain struggle and manage to get the chip in, telling his friend to go through with the plan.

_You just don’t know when to give up, do you?_

A small part of him, deep inside his mind rang out in a tiny Brooklyn accent. ‘ _Nope._ ’

He went to take the kill shot when a beam fell on him as the chaos began. He groaned and yelled in pain, unable to move, very aware that his human arm was most likely broken in multiple places. He watched as the captain made his way down and began to lift the beam off of him. He stood up and faced the captain, confused as to why he would help him.

“You know me,” the captain told him, his face kind and tired.

_No. No! **No! I don’t know you.** I don’t._

“Your name is James Buchanan Barnes.”

_More lies, you have no name. Weapons don’t have a name. They are just a tool to be used. That’s what you are, a weapon to be used._

“Shut up!” He yelled, striking the shield with his metal arm, the force of the blow making him stumble backwards a little.

“I’m not going to fight you,” the captain replied, dropping his shield into the river below. “You’re my friend.”

The soldier flung himself at him, hitting him repeatedly. “You’re my mission!”

_I don’t know you. **I don’t know you. I don’t know you!**_

“Then finish it. ‘Cause I’m with you, till the end of the line.”

Something about the captain’s words forced the soldier to stop. That phrase…. He knew it. Some part of him deep down knew it. Had he said them once? They seemed to alien to him, but yet so familiar…. He heard the helicarrier begin to give underneath them and he quickly grabbed for something, watching the captain fall into the river below. He kept thinking back to what the captain said as he held on the best he could.

_I knew him. I don’t know how, but…. I knew him._

He cursed at himself silently before releasing his grasp on the helicarrier and falling into the river. He swam until he found the captain, grabbing his uniform and swimming them back to shore. He dragged the captain onto the shore and watched him to make sure that he was still alive. When he coughed up some of the water, he turned away from him, relaxing.

_I’m sorry punk, but I can’t stay here._

_Why did I just call him punk?_

_Why does it matter that he lives? He’s my target. My mission._

_What’s happening to me?_

**_Who am I?_ **

He walked around D.C. for hours before realizing that HYDRA was gone and it would be best if he went into hiding until his handlers came to get him. He hid himself the best he could, just outside of town in a forest. He woke up one morning, a week later, to see a black man standing over him with a bag.

“About damn time you woke up soldier.”

He sat up and stared at the other man. “Who are you?” He asked, his voice gravelly from disuse.

“Let’s just say we have a mutual friend whether you remember it or not.”

He just nodded, something about the man demanding respect from him. The man tossed the bag at him and he caught it, opening it to find clothes. He looked back up at the man confused.

“If you're going to try to hide in plain sight, you should look normal,” the man explained. He tossed him down a brochure and he picked it up, looking at it. “You can find some answers about who you are there.”

He looked down at the clothes and brochure for a long time. When he looked back up to thank the man, he was gone. He looked back down at the brochure, staring at the face of the captain he was supposed to kill.

_I hope the man is right about this. I need answers._

_But first, I have to change._

Bucky changed into the clothes and headed to the Smithsonian. He stood outside for hours and watched the security, devising a plan on how to get past the metal detectors. An old guard noticed him and came up to him, leaning against the wall.

“You know son, it’s not the White House. It won’t kill you to go in,” the man said to him, pulling out a chocolate bar and offering a piece of it to Bucky. Bucky shook his head and stared at the man, didn’t he know who Bucky is? The man looked at him weird before shrugging and eating the chocolate. He fixed his hat.

“Were you in the Army? You have the look of someone who has seen unspeakable things that are only seen in war.”

Bucky nodded, clearing his throat. He opened his mouth to say something when the man stopped him.

“You don’t have to say anything son. I know what that is like. I served in Korea myself, so I understand. Did you lose a limb and that’s why you are scared to go in? You don’t have to answer yes or no if you don’t want to, a nod of the head will do.”

Bucky nodded, rubbing his metal arm subconsciously. The man watched him and nodded, staring off for a bit.

“You know what? Follow me. I’ll let you in through the security entrance if it’ll make you feel better.”

Bucky smiled weakly at the man and followed him. The guard led him to the Captain America exhibit and Bucky looked at him in shock.

“I figured this is why you are here. As a soldier, sometimes it helps to know that even the best of us are human. Even good old Cap over there,” he said pointing to the picture. “You know that he stole that uniform? I thought I was going to be fired, but he returned it shortly after and apologized for the new bullet holes in it. We have to get it fixed you know. Though he donated a lot of money for us to do so.”

Bucky nodded, silently thanking the man. The man smiled at him warmly. “If you ever need someone to talk to son, come here and ask for me. My name is Stan.”

Bucky looked around as the man walked away. He noticed a glass wall and walked towards it. The man etched into the glass seemed so familiar to him. He had seen him once, a long time ago. He read the time and his mouth fell open a little bit. That was the name that the Captain had called him. This couldn’t be him, could it? According to this he was dead. He died in WWII, protecting the Captain who he also apparently grew up with. The man etched on the glass and the name though, they struck something deep within him. They were him. He didn’t know how, but he knew that it was him and his name that he was looking at.

He memorized the information on the display before walking around, staring at the pictures of a smaller Captain America. He knew this man, he remembered parts of conversations, heightened emotions of worry, and brotherly love towards the man. He noticed a video running in another room and walked into it, sitting down in the back and watching the screen. He watched the movie about a half dozen times before silently leaving the way he came in.

Bucky went back to the outskirts of town and found an abandoned building to hide out in. He curled up in a ball, trying to process everything he seen and heard in the museum. He had a whole other life that HYDRA had stolen from him. He closed his eyes and forced himself to be calm.

He tossed and turned in his corner, fragments of the exhibit and a life that was long lost haunting his dreams. He woke up only two hours later- screaming, an image of a train disappearing in the distance and a man screaming a foreign name, fading from his mind. He sat, leaning against the wall, panting for a while before dragging a hand over his face. He noticed that his hand felt wet from tears when he pulled it away.

_Why am I crying? Weapons aren’t meant to have emotions. That’s all you are. A weapon to be used._

**_No you’re not._ **

_Who are you?_

**_I’m you. Well, the you that you used to be before you fell off that train. Before HYDRA convinced you that we are nothing but a weapon._ **

_I don’t remember being anything but a weapon. I don’t remember how to be you- me- us…. I don’t know anymore._

**_Yes you do. I wouldn’t be here in your mind if you didn’t have at least some clue as to who I am- who you used to be. The man Steve once knew._ **

The Soldier had had enough of the second voice in his head. He grabbed a bottle from the ground and threw it at a wall. “ **GET OUT OF MY HEAD! YOU’RE NOT REAL. YOU’RE JUST A TRICK.** ”

The voice inside him quieted down and he curled into himself. “You’re just a trick. I’m just a weapon to be used. That’s what they made me. I don’t know how to be anything else. I just don’t know anymore. I don’t know what to do now. For the last seventy years of my life that has been my life. It’s all I know. I can’t be him anymore. They took that from me. Even with these fragments of who I used to be… I can’t be him. Those fragments are like dreams. They fade as quickly as they come.”

He closed his eyes, resting his metal hand on the back of his head. He knew now what had to be done. “I’m going to make them pay. Every last one of them will die by my hands and my hands alone. They wanted to create a monster. I’m going to show them that they succeeded.”

_But first I have to find her. My best student and more. She’ll know where they are hiding and get me what I need. Hopefully though she’s not to mad at me for what I did to her._

_Be prepared my little spider. I’m going to find you._

_I need your help._

The soldier fell asleep again, this time dreaming of nothing in the cold night. When HYDRA agents scoured the building the next day, they found nothing but a broken bottle and piles of hair, a bloody piece of glass next to one of the piles. Bucky had noticed the agents and ran to a side of the building before they would notice him. Once they were inside, he set fire to the building, making sure they were trapped with no way out. He walked away, running a hand through his now short hair.

_Cut off one head and two more shall take its place._

_Well I guess I have a few more to find then._


	2. The Spider and the Winter Meet Again

Bucky found the Black Widow easily. After all, he had been the one to train her in HYDRA’s Red Room Program. He knew all her tricks and hiding spots. All the places she wanted to see in the world outside of her missions. Now that she had blown all of her covers, there was only one place for her to go…. Their safe house. They had purchased it together long before Natasha had joined SHIELD, back when she was still Natalia. No one knew about it, except for them. He was lucky that he discovered she was there like he had hoped she would be.

He stood across the street from the building in an alley for a long time debating whether or not he should ask for whatever information she had on HYDRA. He hid each time someone came anywhere near him or the building itself. After a few hours, Natasha came out and walked straight towards him.

“ _You are horrible at being inconspicuous James._ ”

“ _Only when it comes to hiding from you, Little Spider. You were my best student after all._ ”

Natasha rolled her eyes at him and motioned for him to follow her into the small apartment. He followed her in and looked around, noting how little it had changed from what he could remember of it. He sat down in one of the chairs as she grabbed two glasses and a bottle of Russian vodka. She set the glasses down and poured each of them a glass before handing one to him.

“ _Drink up James, you look like you need it more than I do. Which is saying something. Though considering everything that has happened, you definitely need it._ ”

"Drop the Russian Natalia," Bucky replied flatly.

She made a face and nodded. "Considering what happened when we last saw each other about two weeks ago, I would assume that this is not a social call."

"Of course not," he replied, as he swished the vodka in his cup. He sighed, leaning forward and drinking the vodka in one go. "You know me Natalia. The man they made me into. What they made me do. I need to know whatever you know about who I was before they got to me-" Natasha opened her mouth and he waved at her to signal for her to be quiet. "-and don't just repeat what the Smithsonian says about me."

Natasha sighed and nodded. She poured herself another glass, leaning back in her chair as she swirled the clear liquid in her glass, staring at it intently. "I'm not sure what to tell you. It's complicated James. You know that."

"I don't care. Tell me what you know."

"Steve hated talking about you, but we made him talk about you for his own good." She frowned, remembering how hard she and Clint worked on getting the stubborn soldier to open up about his best friend. She bit her lip and steeled herself to tell him what Steve had told her.

"You two met when you were very young. He was fighting a kid who was not only much bigger than him, but also three years older than him. You saw this scrawny kid, who looked to be no older than six years old, trying to fight off this big teenager because he was picking on a smaller kid who was still bigger than Steve," she started, smiling softly as she tried to imagine what it must have looked like.

"You came in and sent the bully running. Only nine years old, but a military brat through and through. Before you could even say anything he got right up in your face, telling you that he had everything handled before you stepped in and that he didn’t need anyone’s help as if he was some poor, defenseless dame.” She paused for a moment, a cat like grin on her face.

“He said after that, you yelled at him like a mother would scold their child and then you taught him how to fight properly to give him at least a fighting chance. You two were inseparable ever since then. If one got into a fight, the other was right there beside them….”

He drifted off into a forgotten memory as Natasha told him stories about him and Steve fighting bullies and going on double dates.

* * *

 

“Hey, get out of here,” Bucky said, sending the other guy running. Steve got up from where he was and wiped the dirt off his face. He glared at Bucky the best he could as Bucky shook his head.

“I had him Buck, just like you showed me. I swear I had him on the ropes. I’m not some damsel that needs to be saved, never was to begin with,” Steve said before noticing the look on his friends face. “Bucky? You listening to me? Something wrong?”

Bucky smiled weakly and pulled Steve close, an arm around his shoulders. “I’m listening punk. You need to stop getting in fights, ok? Soon I’m not going to be here to save your ass. Ok?”

“What do you mean Bucky?”

Bucky dropped his arm from around Steve’s shoulders and turned away, pulling a piece of paper from his pocket. “James Buchanan Barnes you are hereby ordered to report to a recruitment office to be examined to see if you are fit enough to serve the United States Army in the war against the Nazi’s, if you are fit you are to report to Grand Central Station on Thursday, November 6th, 1941 at Noon.”

Steve’s face fell and he shifted on his feet, staring at the ground. “Did you go?” A nod in reply. “They told you that you are shipping off to boot camp tomorrow?” Another nod.

Steve tried to smile as he placed a hand on Bucky’s arm and Bucky looked over at him. “Hey. It’ll be ok Buck. You can go to Canada or tell them you’re a queer.”

“You know I can’t do that Stevie. My father served and so did yours. I have to do this.”

Steve nodded slightly and bit his lip. “Right.”

“And promise me you’ll stop trying to join alongside me, ok?”

Steve didn't respond and Bucky stared at him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You have to promise me this, ok? I don't want you to get arrested for trying to join the military by falsifying information. And don't tell me that you haven't tried to join by doing that. I've seen the enlistment forms in the trash."

Steve smiled weakly and nodded. Bucky pulled him close and hugged him. "Please don't take this as a bad thing Stevie. I'll be back before you know it from boot camp. Then I'll go over there and win this war. Just you wait and see."

Steve hugged him back and chuckled sadly. “Ok Bucky. I know you will. You’ll be a big war hero and then the dames won’t be able to resist ya.”

Bucky pulled away and stared at him. “Hey don’t look so sad now punk. There’ll be enough dames for the both of us. We’ll find you one who doesn’t mind stupid punks like you who get into fights all the time.”

Steve smiled as Bucky pulled him towards the direction of their apartment. “Now let’s get you washed up. We should go out tonight. Have fun. Pretend like there’s no war before I have to go to boot camp tomorrow. Ok?”

Steve laughed and nodded. “Sounds like a plan Bucky.”

"I arranged a double date for us. We're going to dance the night away." Steve shook his head, bumping into Bucky on purpose.

“Of course you did. Is it with that dame down the street from the docks? You’ve been talking about her for a while now Buck.”

Bucky nodded and unlocked the door. They walked in and Steve went straight to their room, pulling off his shirt as Bucky heated some water from them to use to clean themselves with. Steve came back out with new shirts for them. He put them on the table and Bucky handed him a washcloth before pulling off his own shirt and beginning to wash the upper half of his body. Steve followed suit. When they finished they changed into their clean shirts.

“Ready to go punk?”

“Lead the way jerk.”

Bucky laughed as they headed towards the swing bar. As they approached the girls, Steve leaned over to him.

“Which one is mine?”

“The brunette, she likes art. I believe Shirley said that Bessie actually makes money doing art for others. So you’ll have something to talk about,” Bucky replied, causing Steve to smile nervously.

They greeted the girls before going in, Bucky and Shirley moving straight for the dance floor as Steve and Bessie found a table to sit at.

“Do you want something to drink?” Steve asked awkwardly, stumbling upon his words.

Bessie shook her head. “No thanks. Shirley said that Bucky told her that you’re an artist like me. What do you do?”

“I draw, mostly with pencil. Being colorblind doesn’t make coloring or painting very easy, which makes Bucky laugh at me when I attempt to. Plus supplies are so expensive and Buck and I don’t have much money. I’m lucky I’m able to afford the few classes I attend. If it weren’t for Bucky working at the docks though, I wouldn’t be able to take any classes.” Steve left out the part that he probably wouldn’t be alive out.

Bessie stared at him for a few minutes and nodded. “Interesting.”

Steve looked at her with his head tilted in curiosity. “What do you mean?”

“You just mentioned Bucky multiple times when answering that question. That wasn’t really necessary.”

“Uh…. Ok?”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but are you in love with him?”

Steve stared at her in shock. “W-why would ya think that?”

“Because you keep looking over at him with a look of longing on your face and you brought him up a number of times in a question that was about your art.”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Steve replied stubbornly.

Bessie shook her head, chuckling. “I see you’re buying into the whole ‘loving a person of the same gender is a sin’ hellfire that the priests lay on us.”

“No. I like dames, not guys.”

“You can like both.”

Steve stopped talking, his mouth open to reply for a moment before closing it.

“I take it you’ve never thought about that,” Bessie replied chuckling. Steve nodded wordlessly and she leaned back in her seat. “It’s like having both flavors of ice cream instead of being confined to just one or the other.”

Steve was about to ask her something when Bucky returned with Shirley.

“You two should’ve joined us on the dance floor,” Bucky said as he sat down next to Steve.

“Don’t care much for dancing,” Bessie replied, looking over at Steve. He looked at her, his question still on his mind and her eyes flickered over to Shirley for a second and he knew that she was in the same position as him. Bessie turned to Shirley. “We have work in the morning, we should get going Shirley.”

Shirley nodded and said goodnight, kissing Bucky’s cheek before they left. Bessie whispered into Steve’s ear and smiled as they walked away. Bucky turned to Steve with a large grin.

“Isn’t Bessie perfect for ya, Stevie?”

Steve nodded and stood up, grabbing his coat. Bucky followed suit. “She is, but I don’t think it’ll work out Buck. She likes someone else.”

“Sorry Stevie, I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine Buck. It’s the same with….”

* * *

 

Natasha stared at Bucky. “James, can you hear me?”

Bucky stared at her and blinked a few times, the memory quickly disappearing from his mind. “What?”

“You zoned out completely. I was trying to ask you something and you wouldn’t respond. What happened?”

He shrugged and stared at the window even though the curtain was closed. “I don’t know. I think I remembered something, but I don’t know what it was now.  Natalia, what is happening to me?”

Natasha sighed and moved so she was sitting next to him. “This has happened before. You were out of cryostasis for too long and went rogue. It took a large number of men and a lot of time to find you. When we did, you were in Brooklyn talking about having to find some punk kid because he was in trouble. They figured out then, that by taking you out for too long, your memories began to force their way through the programming and they had to do an extensive wipe on you. It was horrible to watch James.”

“You’re saying that the longer I’m away from them, the more I’ll remember?”

“Yes. But not only of who, you used to be…. Steve’s best friend. But also who they made you be. You’ll remember things you have done under their control that you don’t remember already.”

Bucky nodded and looked down. “According to the Smithsonian, there was a civilian that had worked with us….”

“Howard Stark, I know his son. What about him?”

“They made me kill him and his wife. I remembered it when I was there. It suddenly came back to me when I saw a photo of us working together on something.” Natasha frowned at him and nodded, giving him the freedom to continue if he wanted to. Bucky sighed and leaned back in his seat. "They said he knew too much about HYDRA."

Natasha nodded and leaned against him. "It's not your fault James. It's theirs."

"I have to fix this Natalia. I have to redeem myself for what they made me do."

Natasha smiled weakly and got up. "You're going after them, aren't you?"

Bucky nodded. "Of course I am Natalia. It is what I have to do. I need everything you have on them. I know you've been keeping track of them since DC."

"I can't do that Bucky. You know I can't. Please don't make me give you the information. I know what it's like to want to redeem yourself, but this is not how you do it."

"Natalia I have to do this. I'm the only one who can."

Natasha stood up and went to another room. When she came back she had a big folder in her hand, she handed it to Bucky. "Promise me you'll stay safe."

Bucky took the folder and smiled at her. "You make it sound as if I'm reckless Natalia."

"I say that because I know you."

Bucky stood up next to her and smiled softly, before pulling her close and hugging her. "Stay safe yourself Little Spider."

Natasha smiled and kissed him softly. "Now that I can't promise. I love a dangerous life my dear soldier. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Bucky nodded and kissed her cheek. “Keep an eye on him. Ok? I still don’t know why, but his safety is important to me and I know they want revenge for the damage he has caused them. They will find him Natalia, and he won’t see them coming.”

Natasha was about to say something but Bucky disappeared before she could get out a word. She watched him leave and sighed.

"They are coming after you to James. I hope you know what you are doing."

Bucky walked away, not looking behind him, as he left Natasha's he had a long journey in front of him and he could not afford to look back. He knew if he did he would've stayed with her, their shared past too big to ignore. There was one thing that the Red Room can never get rid of whenever they wiped his mind. They could never get rid of the love he felt for her and still felt.

He stole a car, disabling the GPS before driving into the mountains of Virginia, finding a small clearing to camp in. He set up a makeshift tent using sticks and other things he found lying around and in the car. He sat in the tent and pulled out the folder that Natasha had given him. He read it thoroughly, processing as much information as he could. He noticed clouds beginning to gather as the sky darkened dramatically. He grabbed a coat from the car and ran back over to where he had made the tent. He moved as far back inside the makeshift tent as he could, watching the rain pour down. He leaned against the trunk of a tree and closed his eyes, praying that he wouldn’t be plagued with more memories.

Bucky watched the newest group of young Black Widow agents. He couldn’t help but to stare at Natalia Alianovna Romanova, known later as Natasha Romanov. There was something different about this one. He spotted it before the trainers did. She was unlike the rest in many ways that he could not place.

She excelled faster in the training than the others. She had an inherent ability to take the training they were given and take it a step further. She didn’t tire as easily as the others. His handlers told him a week later that they wanted him to train her. After all, he was the best agent they had in the Red Room and she was their best recruit for the Black Widow program. So who better to train the best than the best?

Bucky decided to go all out during their first training session in order to test her abilities. She was faster and more agile than him, but he was still stronger. They trained together for months, developing a romantic relationship outside the one they had as comrades in the Red Room. They hid their relationship from their handlers. But then Natasha was told to marry someone for a mission. They tried to cut off their relationship in order to protect each other, but it didn’t last long.

They snuck around the best they could, Bucky often sneaking into the place she shared with her fiancé when he wasn’t home and he could get away from his handlers. They lived in peace for months until the Red Room found out and brought both of them in. They wiped him in front of her and before doing so hurt her in front of him to make their point very clear. What Natasha didn’t know was what happened afterwards.

The Red Room put him in cryostasis for a long time. What seemed like only a few days to him, actually was a little bit of time spread over two decades. It wasn’t until the nineties when he was sent overseas back to America for more of their missions in the States. The first being to kill Howard Stark. He hesitated on shooting, killing Maria Stark by accident the first time. The second shot was a clear hit, his target taken down and the scene made to look like an accident.


	3. The Road to Redemption and an Offer

Bucky woke up the next morning and built a small fire before grabbing the file Natasha had given him and reading it. He began to formulize a plan of attack after finding a few maps in the car. He laid down the backseat and laid out the first map, drawing a route towards the nearest HYDRA base he could find in the file. He began to figure out what he had in terms of weaponry and armor before stomping out the fire and loading up the car.

Six hours later, he was about a mile outside of the HYDRA base. He ditched the car, opting to make the last mile on foot in case of any guards. He crept around, sneaking up behind one before overpowering them and taking their weapons. He quickly made his way around the base, killing every HYDRA agent he found in his sight. He looted the place for food and supplies before taking a motorcycle from their garage, driving to the next base.

After six months, he had made it through all of the HYDRA bases east of the Mississippi. He was camping in the Catskills of New York when the man who originally approached him after D.C. came up to him again.

“You look like hell soldier,” the man said, throwing him a protein bar.

Bucky took it, eating it greedily since his food had run out weeks ago, forcing him to live off berries. “How did you find me?”

“I have my eye on everyone. Plus you have left quite the trail of blood behind you soldier,” he replied, leaning against a tree. “It wasn’t hard to guess where you would be after the last base you took down. Only reason it took me this long to find you was because of some damn idiots I left in charge of S.H.I.E.L.D.”

Bucky looked up at him when he mentioned S.H.I.E.L.D. “Who are you?”

“Nick Fury,” he replied sternly. “Question is soldier- do you know who you are?”

Bucky frowned, sighing. “James Buchanan Barnes. HYDRA turned me into the Winter Soldier after I fell from a train in the Alps. I remember things from before I fell, but they are very fuzzy. Barely even fragments. As for things I did as the Winter Soldier-”

“You are not responsible for those crimes soldier.”

“But I am. Even if I wasn’t fully aware of it sir, it was still me.”

“You want to make them pay for what they have done. What they have made you and others such as Natasha-”

“You know about the Red Room?”

“Yes. Now let me finish. You want them to pay for everything they have done and caused to happen. That’s why you haven’t left a single survivor in any of those bases.” Bucky listened, nodding before Fury continued. “I want to help you. I’m here to offer you a job, working for me.”

“I’m not interested.”

“I highly doubt that soldier.”

“Stop calling me that.”

“What should I call you then?”

Bucky thought about it for a while before looking up at Fury again. “James.”

“Fine. Well I think I can get you to change your mind James.”

“I’m not going to be used by anyone again,” Bucky said as he got up, turning to gather his stuff from the campsite.

“I can help you regain all your memories and protect Steve and Natasha,” Fury replied as he moved in front of Bucky. Bucky growled, looking up at the man, telling him to explain himself, using only his eyes. Fury glared at him, fixing his hat. “I’m working separate from S.H.I.E.L.D. nowadays. I want the same thing you want, HYDRA to pay for what they’ve done. I want you to join me in bringing them down for good. I have eye in places you don’t. I know more about HYDRA than that file Natasha gave you does.”

Bucky subconsciously tightened the grip he had on the file. “I’m listening.”

Fury smiled slightly, knowing he had Bucky’s full attention now. “I have a secret base that no one in S.H.I.E.L.D. knew about. Not even HYDRA agents in S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“How did you manage that?” Bucky asked curiously.

“It was handed down to me from someone unrelated and can’t be traced to me in any way shape or form,” Fury explained simply. “Anyways, the base is secluded and I have kept backups of all my files there since the day I started at S.H.I.E.L.D. and since what happened in D.C., I have been gathering as much info on HYDRA as I can dig up since. I have a few loyal S.H.I.E.L.D. agents relaying any information that they have found back to me as they get it.”

“How much information do you have on them?”

“Enough to take them down for good.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow at him and nodded, thinking over everything. “What’s in it for me?”

“Help in completing your vendetta, resources to do so, and help regaining your memories. You also can protect the ones you care about without having to face them, something I’m guessing you would like right now.”

Bucky couldn’t tell him that he was wrong since all of it was exactly what he wanted. He sighed, kicking dirt on the dying fire, watching as the fire slowly went out and embers slowly fall down to the ground, flaring bright red as they did so before turning dark grey and dying. Fury waited patiently, already knowing the answer. He knew exactly what Bucky needed and that he would take the offer once he decided that he could trust Fury enough to believe that he wouldn’t try to go back on his word and control him like HYDRA did.

Bucky turned around after the fire had completely died off. He raised his head to look at Fury, determination in his eye. “When do we start?”

Fury smiled wide, picking up one of Bucky’s bags of weapons. “As soon as we get to the base.”

“If you don’t mind, I’ll be driving behind you on my bike.”

“Understood James.”

Bucky gathered the rest of his stuff from around the makeshift camp and packing his motorcycle, grabbing his helmet and putting it on. “Ready when you are sir.”

Fury nodded, getting in his car before starting it off. Bucky followed close behind Fury, weaving in and out of the traffic. It took them twelve hours, but eventually they reached Fury’s base. Bucky got off his bike gracefully, grabbing his stuff before following Fury into the base, noting that it looked more like a small cabin than a secret base. When he crossed the doorway, he looked around, slightly in shock. The inside was anything than that of a small cabin.

There were computers everywhere and a staircase leading to a basement. He followed Fury down the stairs, finding a large open basement that had a few rooms off to the sides. The room was filled with weapons, maps, and more computers. He put his stuff down in a small bedroom like Fury instructed him before meeting up with him again on the first floor.

“Quite the setup you have here.”

Fury chuckled softly, working at one of the desks, turning often to face the different computers. He paid little attention to Bucky, letting him settle in before getting them started on everything. Bucky walked around the first floor, stopping and looking at everything, closely inspecting each table. He did this for several hours, slightly happy that Fury was leaving him be. He noted that Fury seemed to be tracking the movements of several hundred thousand HYDRA agents, him, the Avengers, and other unknown people.

He eventually stopped beside Fury, looking over his shoulder. “You said you can help me.”

Fury didn’t bother to look up at him, nodding. “I can. You’ve seen all the different things I have going on. All the different people I have my eye on. It’s how I tracked you down. I just needed to wait for the right time.”

“How do you know that it’s the right time now?”

“Because you’re stuck and so am I. But if we work together, we can achieve our goals.”

Bucky stared at him. “You’re using me to achieve your goals? Isn’t that exactly what HYDRA did with me?” He asked, gritting his teeth hard.

“In a way, but our goals are the same, so this is different. We’re working together towards the same goal. Alliance is mutually beneficial.”

“Right….” Bucky trailed off, crossing his arms.

“I’m not going to force you to do anything that you don’t agree with,” Fury replied, turning to look up at him.

“And my memories?”

Fury got up, motioning for Bucky to follow him back downstairs. Bucky followed him, looking at the machine Fury was working with.

“Is this what is supposed to help me regain my memories?”

Fury nodded, fiddling with some controls. “One of my agents and his team found this after being kidnapped. We had out scientists make another one. It helped him recover memories that had been hidden from him after his brain was rewired. Just like yours.”

Bucky listened, nodding as he inspected the machine. “Interesting. Does it hurt?”

“Yes.”

“A lot?”

“Depends on how deep into your memories we go.”

Bucky nodded, turning to him. “We’ll only do an hour or two a day.”

Fury chuckled, nodding slightly. “Right. If you say so, then that’s what we’ll do.”

Bucky stretched, twisting his body slightly. “I’m going to go sleep if you don’t mind. It’s been ages since I’ve had the chance to sleep in a bed.”

Fury chuckled, waving him off. “Of course. We’ll get started in the morning then Barnes.”

“Call me James, but I don't care if you don't.” Bucky said as he walked off to his bedroom. He closed the door behind him and removed his shirt and shoes. He debated whether or not to take off his pants. He sighed, taking them off, leaving him in his boxers. He laid down on the bed, closing his eyes and praying that he wouldn’t be plagued by memories or nightmares.


	4. Our Work Begins

Bucky was using a punching bag when Fury came out of his room. Fury sighed, putting on an eyepatch. He went over to the coffeemaker, starting a pot of coffee. “You’re a lot like Rogers, you know?”

Bucky stopped, holding his hands out to steady the bag. “What do you mean Fury?”

“He tends to go all out with the punching bag at odd hours if he can’t sleep. Often the cause being nightmares caused by painful memories for him. I’m guessing that it’s similar for you.”

Bucky chuckled, slowly punching the bag again. “You’re right in that respect then.”

Fury poured a cup of coffee for himself, adding the sugar and creamer. He turned towards Bucky. “Coffee?”

Bucky shook his head, still punching the bag before alternating with kicks.

“Then shall we get started?” Fury asked, smirking as he took a sip of his coffee. “Or do you want to keep fighting the punching bag?”

Bucky growled, stopping the punching bag again. He unwrapped his hands and ran a hand through his hair. “Let’s get started. We have a lot of work to do and I’m getting restless.”

Fury chuckled again, heading upstairs. “I like you a lot Bar- James.

Bucky stared at him as he followed him upstairs. “Why?”

“You’re very similar and yet very different from Rogers. It’s very refreshing.”

“Really?” Bucky asked, slightly amused with Fury’s answer.

“Yes,” he replied as he sat down at the largest group of computers. He turned them on, quickly opening a file up on them. “These are the locations of the rest of the HYDRA bases. You’ve taken down only a fifth of them.”

“Only a fifth?”

“Yes. HYDRA has built up quite the army of followers that seem to be in way over their head.”

“Their followers don’t really know what their following?”

“My information seems to say that. But at the same time, a number of them are professional mercenaries.”

“So a mixture of bad guys and those who are lost?”

“Yes.”

“How can I tell which is which?”

“You can’t.”

Bucky nodded slightly, sighing. “I hate this.”

“I understand that too. Sometimes the line is blurred between good and bad. Not everyone who works for HYDRA is bad, but at the same time they’re still responsible for what they are doing. Once they find out what HYDRA is about, there is no turning back.”

“What about me? Or Natasha? Or even some of your other Avengers?”

Fury chuckled softly, shaking his head. “You truly are something Barnes. If you can find a way to tell the difference between those who have just lost their way and those who truly are evil, then so be it. You just better be damn sure about it before you give them mercy. I’ve seen the trail of blood you’ve left behind. But I also know of the lives you’ve spared. If I wasn’t willing to let you continue to spare some lives, I wouldn’t have brought you in. I would’ve taken you down. No matter what Rogers would say.”

Bucky closed his eyes and nodded. “I understand that. I would’ve done the same in that case if I were you. There’s no redemption for someone who can no longer see the world for what it is. I’m hoping that there can be redemption for me though.”

“There can be Barnes. I want to help you redeem yourself. Like I’ve helped Natasha and others like you two.”

“Thank you sir.”

“Now as for our work,” Fury replied, turning back to the computers. “You took out all of the bases Natasha had intel on, but there’s still about 20 on this side of the Mississippi that she didn’t have intel on.”

Bucky gritted his teeth, clenching his fists as he listened. “Which one should I strike first?”

“This one. It’s in a remote area in New York. Close to the Canadian border, so you will need to be careful about any border patrol agents in the area. There should be enough cover though in the woods to hide you and the base from them though.”

“Agents?”

“Intel suggests only about 100, maybe even less. Since it’s in a remote location, it’s only used for science and weapons.”

“So maybe a greater chance for mercy,” Bucky whispered.

“I hope so. I’d rather have them on our side.”

“I think we can both agree on that. Now, what can I use for weapons?”

“Whatever I have in my collection downstairs is at your disposal.”

Bucky smiled, stretching his arms upwards and arching his back. “Should I go in without a plan, or do you want to force me to stick to one? ‘Cause I’m thinking just head in from the east, then just come back here from the south.”

Fury thought about it, analyzing the possibilities. “Sounds good enough to me.”

“Good, ‘cause I wasn’t gonna listen to you anyways.” Bucky walked off toward the stairs, quickly going down them and over to the weapons room. He walked inside, looking over all of the weapons. He grabbed a rifle that he knew would get the job done if everything didn’t go quite as well as they were hoping.

He got on his bike and set up a GPS to bring him a mile out from the base. He weaved through traffic for hours before parking his bike among a small clearing. He attached his earpiece and put his hand up to it, calling Fury.

“Barnes to Fury. Can you hear me?”

Fury smiled, turning in his chair, turning his microphone on. “I can hear you. You in place to begin?”

“Yes sir.”

“Ok. Try to get in and out in less than an hour if possible. Then wait for further instructions because I might have another base for you to go to after this. I just need to look at the information again.”

“Roger that. Talk to you on the flip side.”

Bucky lowered his arm, grabbing his guns before sneaking onto the base, taking out the guards. He walked in, sneaking into the first lab. The scientists stared at him, scared.

“Are you here to kill us?” One of them asked, moving in front of the rest of them.

“Depends. Do you truly believe in their mission? Or do they have something on you?”

They looked at each other, giving the one who moved in front as if she were in charge a nod. She turned back to him. “They have this Initiative Program. They have people we love somewhere in this building. If we help make better weapons- even biological and chemical ones.”

“Then I’m here to help you get out and offer you a new job. I work for SHIELD loosely. We can help you get a new life. A better one.”

“We heard that you were working for HYDRA.”

“I don’t anymore.”

She turned back to the others, conferring with them before turning back to him and smiling. “We would love help from you. Please.”

“Then stay here. Lock the door and don’t open it ‘til I get back.”

They all nodded and he left, hearing the door lock behind him. He walked through the halls, gun pulled out of his pocket and at his side. He took out several guards on his way before finding a locked corridor in the basement. He shot at the lock, managing to break the lock. He went down the corridor, getting all of the people out.

“You guys here because of HYDRA’s Initiative Program?”

An elderly man walked up to him, nodding. “Yes. Are you here to help us?”

“I am sir. Stay behind me. I will reunite you guys with your loved ones.”

“On behalf of all of us, I want to thank you. We were beginning to lose hope that we would ever see them again.”

“No need to thank me. I want to make HYDRA pay for what they have done, not only for what they have done to me, but to people like you and many others.”

Everyone nodded, understanding what he meant. Bucky turned around, peeking around the entrance of the corridor before beginning to lead all of the people back to the room of scientists. He knocked on the door, leaning his head against the door.

“Unlock the door. It’s me. I found your loved ones and they’re right behind me.”

Bucky waited for a minute, debating whether or not to kick down the door. He got ready to kick it down when he heard it unlock and the door slowly opened. The leader from earlier poked her head out before throwing the door open and running to the elderly man, hugging him. Soon everyone was rejoining their loved ones and Bucky snuck away. He walked outside, raising his hand to his earpiece.

“Fury, we have a lot of people here. The scientists were working for HYDRA because of a program called ‘Initiatives.’ HYDRA took their loved ones and kept them locked up. If they didn’t do their jobs, then their loved ones would suffer.”

Fury sat upright in his chair and frowned. “I’ve heard of that program before. I can’t believe they have it in so many bases. How many people are we talking about?”

“About 70. There are roughly 25 scientists and they all agreed to work for SHIELD so you can send them over to whoever runs it now, but first we have to be able to get them and their loved ones out of here.”

Fury sighed, trying to think of what to do. “Tell them to stay there. I’ll have Coulson send people over there to get them and bring them to his base.”

Bucky ran his metal hand through his hair. “Should I stay with them? They’re scared sir.”

Fury closed his eyes, thinking about what would happen if Coulson’s men found Bucky with them. “Stay with them, but the minute you hear them coming, I need you to leave. It’s too dangerous Barnes. Not everyone in SHIELD knows that you’re working for me now.”

“Got it sir. And about the other base?”

“We need more info. I’m gathering it now. Once the scientists and their loved ones are secure, come back here. Got it Barnes?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good. I’ll call Coulson now.”

Bucky lowered his arm, turning off his earpiece before returning to the scientists. “Men are on their way from SHIELD to come help you guys. They’re gonna take you to their base where they’ll ask about your work with HYDRA and offer you jobs in their labs. Got it?”

The lead scientist stepped forward again. “We understand. Thank you so much. Are you going to stay?”

“Only until I hear them coming. It’s too dangerous to be seen with me right now.”

She frowned and nodded. “I hope you bring them down. HYDRA needs to pay for everything they have done.”

“They will. I’ll make sure of it. I’ll cut off every last head.”

She placed a hand on his shoulder. “What if they are innocent like us?”

“Then I spare them, help them get help from SHIELD. But those who aren’t innocent will be shown no mercy,” he replied, flinching slightly at the sudden touch.

She kept her hand there, frowning slightly. “So much blood will be spilled.”

“It’s the price that has to be paid.”

“Is it really?”

Bucky was going to ask what she meant when he heard vehicles in the distance. “I have to go,” he said before leaving without a word, running to the clearing where he left his bike. He stopped, thinking about her words. “It’s the only way I know and the only way to make sure people are safe,” he whispered before getting on his bike and heading back to Fury’s base.

When he got there, he parked his bike and walked straight in and down the stairs without saying a single word. He went into his room, closing the door behind him and collapsing in the bed. His arm and head were hurting him badly and he wanted to try and shut out the pain, thinking that sleep might help. 

He woke up only a half hour later, the pain in his head unbearable. He screamed, feeling as if his mind were shattering. He could feel the presence of the Winter Soldier in his mind, trying to take over.

“No. I’m not you. I refuse to turn into you. I’m different. I’m not a machine,” he repeated over and over, holding his head in his hands and pulling his legs up to his chest, rocking slightly.

Fury ran in, listening to him before realizing what was happening. “Shit. Something must have triggered some programming still inside you.”

“Help me. Please,” Bucky begged, his voice broken and hollow. “I don’t want to be him.”

Fury grabbed Bucky’s arms, pulling them away from his head. “Listen to me Barnes. You have to snap out of this or I will have to slam your head into something repeatedly until you are knocked unconscious. I have no time for my best man to go down. HYDRA has a base that seems to be preparing something big and I’m going to need your fucking help to take it down, so snap the hell out of this.”

Bucky couldn’t hear him, the Winter Soldier programming taking his mind over completely. His eyes turned lifeless and cold as he began to try to kill Fury again. Fury grabbed him hard, turning him around before slamming his head into the wall repeatedly before Bucky finally fell unconscious. Fury moved him back over to the bed, sitting on the edge of it as he waited for Bucky to wake up again.


	5. Triggers

Bucky woke up hours later, his head killing him. He felt better than he had the last time he woke up though. He looked over, noticing Fury on the corner of his bed. “What happened?”

            “Something triggered the Winter Soldier programming. Apparently HYDRA wanted to make sure that if you ever began to regain who you were, that they could still get you back.”

            Bucky gritted his teeth, turning his head away from Fury. “Fuck them. I can’t believe it. Even when I escape, they still have control over me.” He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “How did you break me out of the programming?”

            “Cognitive recalibration.”

            “You slammed my head into the wall until I passed out.”

            “Yes.”

            Bucky chuckled, letting out a deep breath. “That’s hilarious sir.” He sighed, closing his eyes. “We need to find out what these triggers are.”

            “That’s a lot easier said than done. We had a hard time getting all of the triggers out of Natasha’s head. Your programming is a lot more complex than hers. Plus you were reprogrammed over and over again over a span of several decades.”

            Bucky sighed, frowning as he brought his metal hand up to his eyes. “What are you saying?”

            “I’m saying that I don’t think I can do anything to help you. I have only one thought of how we can get rid of these triggers, but that involves getting you in contact with Rogers and the rest of the Avengers. Which I know you don’t want to do yet.”

            Bucky sat up, hanging his legs over the end of his bed and sighed. He rested his hands on his knees and looked at the floor. “I can’t. Not yet. I can’t face him.”

            Fury sighed, standing up. “I know Barnes. We’ll figure out what to do for now.”

            Bucky nodded silently, staying where he was. Fury looked at him before leaving the room and going back upstairs. Bucky stayed where he was for a long time before getting up and walking over to the punching bag and beginning to punch it slowly, building up his pace gradually. Fury found him still punching the bag after a few hours, a few punching bags on the ground, having flown off the hook.

            “How many of those bags are you going to send flying Barnes?”

            “As many as I feel like,” Bucky replied as he continued to punch the bag, sending this one flying. He moved it to the other ones and began to unwrap his flesh hand. “I hate feeling like this.”

            “Like what Barnes?”

            “Broken.”

            Fury stared at him, surprised by the confession. He knew how Bucky felt, but was surprised that he actually confessed it aloud. He sighed, leaning against a wall. “I know how you feel.”

            Bucky turned and stared at him. “I don’t think you do. You don’t know what it’s like to have no clue who you are anymore. To be turned inside out til there’s nothing left inside of you of who you were. All that’s left is a hollowed man that is turned into a ruthless killing machine. You don’t know what it’s like to want to try and regain who you are, only to learn that the people who tore you apart still have a grip on you and you can never truly escape.”

            Fury stared at him, his heart going out to him. “You’re right. I might not understand what that is like, but I do understand what it feels like to be powerless. To lose everything to what you’ve been fighting against. HYDRA took SHIELD from me.”

            “That’s different. Not even close to how I feel.”

            “No that isn’t, but losing everyone I loved to them. I knew HYDRA was still active long ago when they killed my wife. But I was powerless against them. All I could do was try to fight against them and hope that they never touched SHIELD.”

            Bucky turned towards him and stared. “I didn’t know. W-was I the-”

            “No.”

            “How do you know? I’ve killed a lot of people, including Stark’s parents.”

            “Because I was there.”

            “What?”

            “I watched my wife get murdered and I was powerless against it.”

            “I’m sorry to hear that.”

            “That’s why I may not understand exactly what you’re going through, but I do understand what you feel.”

            Bucky nodded, putting a new punching bag on the hook. “So what do we do?”

            “We pray that nothing triggers the Winter Soldier while we continue our work. We have a lot left to do.”

            Bucky smirked slightly, nodding. “What’s the plan for the next base boss?”

            “Please don’t call me boss,” Fury said exasperated. “The plan is that you get your ass up to the first floor so I can show you what I got.”

            “Fine,” Bucky huffed, picking up a towel and slinging it across his shoulders so he can damp at his sweat. He followed Fury back up to the first floor and stood behind him at the control area. “What do you have for me this time?”

            “Three bases close together with a total of about 10,000 men.  Think you can handle that?” Fury asked as he pulled up the map of the area. “They’re all focused around this town in Maine. Lots of mountain which should help. Plus it’s very barren in terms of population. For whatever reason though they have a large number of personnel between these three bases and are sending lots of resources to them.”

            “Possible factories?”

            “Your guess is as good as mine, but given our information, that does seem very likely.”

            “I can handle it.”

            “Be careful about any possible triggers Barnes.”

            Bucky snorted, beginning to head back down the stairs again. “I’m sure I can handle this boss without any troubles,” he chortled as he disappeared down the stairs.

Fury sighed, raising a hand to his forehead. “This better pay off in the end.”

Bucky prepared like he had last time, but packing more weapons and ammo both in a bag and on himself. He checked his ear piece, getting the coordinates for the first base again before getting on his bike and leaving.

He made it to the base in great time, having taken back roads all the way to Maine and speeding along most of them while going undetected. He parked the bike and made sure he had only what he needed before heading towards the first base. Once he arrived, he got off the bike and hid it behind a collection of great pine trees. He crawled closer to the first base, climbing up a tree to get a view of it. He immediately raised his hand to his earpiece and called Fury.

“Fury we have a problem.”


End file.
